I read this article in The Bear and Bull (McGill's student newspaper) yesterday and found it absolutely brilliant. No, I didn't write it, but it's absolutely brilliant anyway.
Credit to the author at the bottom.
Backstory: we received an anonymous article for our school paper (of which I am editor) about being "stuck in the friend zone". A few of us found it mildly ridiculous and thus decided to write a response from "Juliet" as the anonymous writer wanted to be called "Romeo" (which I found to be pretentious and annoying). So there I was, writing my response when my sister showed me this article. I tried to write mine similarly to this one but then decided, to hell with it, I'll just ask the author if I can re-print it in the Papercut (our college paper).
He and his editor said yes! Booyeah!
so, without further ado, here it is:
Misogyny in the Friend Zone
It’s easy to be a feminist on paper, yet the day-to-day actions of
many well-meaning men contradict their feminist principles and point to
an underlying misogyny. One of the sources of this unconscious misogyny
is the infamous “friend zone” and the reaction it sparks in some men,
demeaning women in the process.
The main problem with men in the friend zone is their tendency to act
as if they’re the victim of some horrible crime. This belief is
encapsulated perfectly in one of the many BroTips—cheesy pieces of
advice for men lacking common sense— floating around my News Feed:
“Ladies, guys are sick of hearing you ask where all of the ‘nice guys’
are. They’re in the friend zone, where you left them.”
Men who buy into the nice guy-asshole binary usually do so based on
an experience where they, as seemingly nice guys, were passed over for
an asshole, leading them to believe that all women like assholes.
Upholding this narrative demeans women by looking condescendingly
upon their choice of sexual partners simply because they aren’t you. By
failing to respect the choices women make in their lives, you belittle
their intelligence and freewill. It’s bad enough when you do this to one
woman, but when you extend this attitude towards all of the women in
your life and beyond, the problem becomes far worse. This type of
attitude can foster hate towards women, and in our patriarchal society
this is the last thing we need. Yet unfortunately, it seems that a major
source of violence against women comes exactly from these types of
private day-to-day relationships.
In light of this, I’m going to offer some advice to help men escape
the nice guy vs. asshole binary, and the hatred it often brings about.
First, stop looking at yourselves as nice guys. If your entire
friendship with a girl is based upon potentially sleeping with her, you
went into the friendship with ulterior motives and thus aren’t nice at
all. This is also why I choose to refer to the “friend zone” as the “no
sex zone”; she may look at you as a friend, but you certainly don’t look
at her like that. So when she inevitably rejects you and tells you she
just wants to be friends, I can promise you won’t be.
Second, stop believing you’re perfect. Too many guys have a hard time
recognizing the reason(s) why a girl doesn’t like them. Instead of
looking at themselves and wondering why they didn’t get the girl, they
just blame it on assholes and the girls who love them. Maybe you and her
just didn’t click, maybe you weren’t being the best version of you, or
maybe you just said the wrong things. Whatever the reason, something did
go wrong, and you should figure out why, instead of blaming the girl or
the entire female population.
Finally, be honest with yourself. If you can’t be just friends with
her, remove yourself. If you want to sleep with her, don’t try to
bullshit being “friends” with her. This will help you develop more
authentic friendships and save yourself the bitterness and hate you may
experience in the “no sex zone.” Guys, stop complaining and start
thinking. The women in your life will appreciate it and you may also
find yourself in the “no sex zone” a lot less often.
Written by: Davide Mastracci
As you can tell, that's a much higher level of writing than I will attain in my journalism career but it's okay. Because it's awesome!
I will save my rants about friend-zoning for a later date.