A Call to Arms: Accept the Hit and Run Challenge!

Say you're sitting in the lobby of your school's building by yourself, back against a wall, hunched over a laptop. You have a rather dour expression on your face; you're supposed to be finishing an essay due in two hours but you've been procrastinating for the past while by watching reruns of a shiny new television show that you've just discovered to be incredibly amusing and much more entertaining than the prospect of writing a 2000 word essay. You take a final bite of your seaweed salad and let the delicious, savory taste of sesame oil and soy sauce wash over your taste buds. You cough loudly (you've been sick for a week or so now). A shadow passes over you and you look up. Somebody is standing over you, late forties or early fifties, not terribly hostile or creepy-looking, perfectly harmless. 

"Bless you" he says, and smiles. Not one to be rude, you smile back. You're Canadian, you're polite. 

"Thank you," you say, and turn back to the laptop. Aand that's when they say something formulaic. It usually comes in three parts:

Part 1 is typically a comment on your smile, such as: You have a beautiful smile OR You're beautiful when you smile 

Part 2 is typically some sort of gung-ho saying that affirms your suspicion that this person might not be completely with it, such as "Your life will be beautiful if you smile"

Part 3 will then re-iterate what has just been said, possibly in exactly the same words just used. Often the speaker might not have completely mastered the art of perfect diction so you're at a loss for what has just been said but you know that it was nice, albeit a little bit creepy, though altogether a decent enough experience.

Yeah, this happens to me a lot.

These moments, flashpoints of communication, are what I like to call "Hit and Runs". Someone appears out of nowhere, makes an impact, and then vanishes, leaving you to feel a variety of emotions. Perhaps you're confused, concerned for their well-being, or depressed that you can't get the same attentions from an attractive member of the opposite sex (or same sex, whichever way you swing). Or maybe this experience has left you feeling like a better person, or at least a happier person, knowing that they singled you out to tell you something that you can choose to ignore or take to the heart. If this ever happens to you, don't just forget about it. Smiling can make you a more beautiful person; people gravitate towards happy people. Don't be that person lurking in the corner looking like you need a hug but will bite someones head off if approached (been there, done that). 

Maybe whoever approached you has a few screws loose, but it takes a lot of courage to go up to a complete stranger and tell them something that you admire about them. You can't always hide behind your cell-phone's touch pad or your computer screen. Make it your goal to complement one perfect stranger everyday, whether it's that girl with the multi-colored hair or the technician at the reference desk with the hand-made safety-pin jewelry. You may not know if, but people treasure these hit and run moments. If you can brighten someone's day at a moment's notice, why wouldn't you go out there and do it? 

Get out from behind the text-facade. Lower the shield of online-anonymity, get out there, and start complementing! If you're shy, this can only be a step in the right direction. Challenge yourself to complement three people a week. Then up that to one person a day, or two, or three, or every person that you pass!! You love their shirt; they must have great taste in music. Wow, your hair is amazing! Is that your natural color?

And, my personal favorite: Just go up to someone and tell them they're beautiful. Just try it, see what happens. 

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!...

The game's afoot:

Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!"

So go! Find some people to compliment! Accept the hit and run challenge!

Ommm Shanti Shanti Shantiii: An Adventure with Yoga Mat Bags

Greetings readers! It has been far too long since I have written a blog post about crocheting (you know, that thing that I do where I try to supplement my income by selling you handmade stuffs and it often doesn't work out but who cares I love crocheting!)

The school year is almost over (summer school, I will annihilate you), technically I've already graduated and I'm off to university in the fall.

Wow, okay that's terrifying. The terror hasn't quite sunk in yet but I"m sure that at some point halfway through the summer when I'm still hunting for a job it'll hit me like a bus in the street in Mean Girls and then I'll start freaking out.

Till then, let's talk handicrafting! Well, first I"m going to explain my divergence from craft blog to quasi-journalist-ish blog. I spent the year as executive editor (muahahahah) of my school's newspaper, The Papercut. It essentially consisted of me sitting in a chair that squeaked with the slightest movement (I"m fairly certain someone kept saying they'd bring in a can of WD-40 but that never happened. And so the squeaky chairs will become the stuff of legends as they are passed from one generation of Papercut execs to the next!). I also edited articles. You know, I do that sometimes. There was a surprising amount of bad writing coming from a school that is fairly picky about who they admit. One would think that solid writing would be a dealbreaker but NO. IT'S GRADES GRADES GRADES AT MARIANOPOLIS. WELL SAYONARA CEGEP.

I'll miss you.... Just a little bit.

A very little bit...

So the point I'm trying to make is that I didn't really have that much time to do a lot of crafts after the craft fair (I think I forgot to make a post about that...Oh well. Another time) and instead I focused my writing energy on newspaper articles rather than crafty blog posts because I started actually thinking about society and the world and I wanted to write movie and restaurant reviews and talk about the effects of the internet and fandoms on teenage girls and it spun wildly out of control and ohmygodit'shappeningagain-

But now I'm back, calmly sipping tea and enjoying the taste of freedom (it tastes like shortbread cookies and Nasonex). Yes, I'm also very sick. But that's okay! My summer school paper on overdiagnosing boys with ADHD is almost finished (2/3 of the way done woohoo!!) and so, with that, I think I am entitled to a little bit of creative freedom.

Om Shanti Shanti Yoga Mat Bag:

So, my two sisters are very into yoga. So much so that they needed yoga mat bags because they had to shlep their own yoga mats to their classes (apparently despite the fact that they clean yoga mats at gyms it's better to bring your own. Makes a certain amount of sense I suppose...). Being the handicrafter that I am, my elder sister asked me to make her a crocheted bag that looked very sturdy and had a zipper.

It also involved crocheting a base chain of 270+ stitches. Hell naw.

So I found a simpler pattern that was crocheted in the round, made some adjustments, and here we have the Om Shanti Shanti Yoga Mat Bag!

 

 

 What's nice about this pattern is that it is 100% customizable from the diameter and circumference of the bag to its height. Just add a couple rounds of increases at the base to make it wider or stop crocheting in the round to make it shorter. The strap was slightly problematic as I made it too long (a. my sister is really tiny so it didn't need to be that long to begin with, and b. it stretched out. 100% cotton does that sometimes). So for the second time around, when my other sister asked for one, it was more colorful, more tightly crocheted, and I worked the strap directly into the body of the bag instead of sewing it on afterwards.

The result? Durability, functionality, and sturdiness. And prettiness. It's really pretty :)

Materials:

-Crochet hook size 4.5
-A LOT of 100% cotton (I used Bernat Handicrafter Cotton. We had a HUGE skein of the Ombres--the brown stuff and purple stuff-- and the first yoga mat bag used almost all of the brown)---The brown is called "Terra Firma", the purple is um...discontinued or just not on their website. Awkward. The second bag also used a full skein of "French Blue" and the dark green that isn't on their website either...
-Extra 3 meters of cotton yarn
-A Yoga Mat (I suppose you don't technically need one. I make them and I don't own one...)

You can find a simple pattern here at Joyful Abode (this is the pattern I used for the first bag I made. However, I have since written my own pattern so that I can sell my creations).

Abbreviations (still not wondering why that word is so damn long):
-sc: single crochet
-dc: double crochet
-sl st: slip stitch
-ch: chain
-st/sts: stitch or stitches
-fpd: front post double crochet
-bpd: back post double crochet

Instructions:

Base:

1. Make a magic loop. See here if you don't know how to make a magic loop.
2. Make 8 dc into the ring. Pull it closed. Sl st to join.
3. Ch 3 (this counts as first dc). 2 dc in each dc. Sl st to join. 16 st.
4. Ch 3 (still your first dc). 2 dc in each dc. Sl st to join. 32 st.
5. Ch 3 (is that in your head yet?) 2 dc in first st, 1 dc in next st. **2 dc in next st, 1 dc in next st. Repeat from **around. Sl st to join. 48 st.
6. Ch 3 (got it?). 2 dc in first st, 1 dc in next 3 sts. **2 dc in next st, 1 dc in next 3 sts. Repeat from **around. Sl st to join. 60 st.

Right now your cirlce should be around the same size as your rolled up yoga mat. This is good.

Body of Bag:

7. Ch 1 (woah, we're switching things up a bit). Sc in back loop only around. I did back loop and the loop just underneath for stability. The point of this round is to make a noticeable 90 degree angle and a decorative line around it. Sl st to join. 60 st.
8. Ch 3 (still your first dc). Dc in each sc from previous round. Sl st to join. 60 st.
9. Ch 3 (first dc). Dc in the space between each dc from previous round, so not in the little V the stitch makes, but just to the left of it (between the posts). It creates a bit of a zig zag pattern that I think adds some flair.

Repeat round 9 until your bag is just shorter than your mat. If you're adding colors, crochet over the ends so you don't have to weave them in.

Ribbing and Drawstring:

Ch 3. Alternate fpd and bpd with one of each st in each dc from the previous row for ribbed effect. Repeat for 5 rounds.

See a tutorial for front-post dc and back-post dc here

Strap:

Double up your yarn. Tightness is key here. Pick a spot one inch away from the bottom of your bag, three dc away from your seam. Work 7 sc across (one in each post of a dc). Turn. 1 sc into each sc from previous row. Continue sc across until your strap is two inches longer than your bag (it will stretch). Work your last row into your bag, below the ribbing. Tie off. 

Finally, chain doubled up length of yarn till it's slightly longer than the circumference of your bag, weave it through the ribbing and voila! A lovely new yoga mat bag perfect for shlepping to the park, to the gym, to your friend's house, downtown after a class, etc... No more boring chafing yoga mat bags :)

Enjoy!

Cumberbitches vs Cumberbabes: Life Outside the Internet

Watch out, internet: the Sherlock (BBC) fandom is on the rampage!

In a recent development, the previously-called "Cumberbitches" (female fans of Benedict Cumberbatch) have petitioned, rallied, taken to the street-

I don't actually know if they did any of these things. All I know is that they have changed the face of the Cumberbatch fandom from Cumberbitches to..wait for it....Cumberbabes.

Ok...

I understand why they would want to make this change: Cumberbitch is a little crass. Most people don't really like being referred to as a bitch in any situation. However, in a recent interaction with some friends on facebook, this happened:

You have to admit, Cumberbitch is pretty funny.

Not the point.

We have reached a point today where people get so wrapped up in their fandoms (Whovians, Gleeks, Cumberbabes/bitches, Trekkers, Big Bangers-wow that sounds wrong-, etc..) that they forget to see the humor in them and focus to much on how they as a collective are perceived. Yes, Cumberbitch is crass, but how is Cumberbabe any better? Instead of invoking images of bitchy women they are perceived as sexy babes. Which is worse? And more than that, what is the difference outside the ether of the internet?

Fandoms are out there so that people can enjoy television shows, books, movies, etc.. together online by sharing theories, trivia, fan fiction, memes, and spoilers. Yes, it's a lot of fun. I have heard about 12 different theories as to who exactly Clara Oswald is and the range of imagination these fans exert is absolutely incredible. However, it stops being fun when it's all someone can talk about in person. I understand the implications of this online: it's easier to share all of this on the internet, with "reblog" buttons at the click of the mouse.

The point I'm trying to make is that people need to take a step back from their, dare I say it, obsessions. People who say things like "have you seen my timeline recently? it is literally nothing but Sherlock and Doctor Who. it is so beyond okay" only propagate the obsession since, because it is so easily acceptable, we don't see it for what it is: an addiction.

Yes, it is an addiction, and an unhealthy one at that. So before you reblog the next picture of Nine and Ten (Doctors) on Facebook, stop for a moment. Why are you reblogging this on facebook? Why are you reblogging it at all? To share with people who do not share your enjoyment? Why is it so hard to simply look at the picture, laugh, cry, do whatever you do, and then move on?

Cumberbitch vs Cumberbabe: why do you seek to erase your identity and join this collective of fellow obsessors? We live in a society of striking individualism; it makes sense to be yourself and be proud of that. So be proud of your participating in the Sherlock fandom. But don't let it get in the way of living your life outside the internet.

We Saw Your Boobs: A Night at the Oscars with Seth Macfarlane

Yeah, yeah, I know the Oscars have long since been over. But I wrote this piece for my school's paper and forgot to post it here too. Enjoy!

For those of you who missed the broadcast of the 85^th Academy Awards, I have to say that you missed out this year. In a nice turnaround from last year’s Oscar hosts (despite Anne Hathaway’s charm, we’re fairly certain that James Franco was not entirely corpus mentus), the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences snagged Seth Macfarlane (Family Guy, Ted, American Dad) to host this year’s Oscars ceremony.

Aside from the overlong intro featuring William Shatner as an octogenarian Captain James T. Kirk, Macfarlane proved he was more than a comic writer and performer and impressed viewers with his song and dance numbers. From his solo about actresses showing their breasts on camera (“We Saw Your Boobs” sparking debate from feminists near and far) to the trio with Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (he can sing too apparently), he opened the Oscars with the pomp and lavishness expected of a good Oscar opener.

Luckily this year, the presenters skipped and preened their way quickly, though drunkenly, through the myriad of awards (Christopher Plummer really convinced us all that he truly had been perpetually drunk on the set of The Sound of Music). The three hours passed much more quickly than they had in past years. Macfarlane, though lewd at times, was a charismatic and quirky Oscar host. Despite his tasteless jab at Quvenzhane Wallis and George Clooney, Macfarlane did the Academy Awards justice (though he’s no Hugh Jackman of course…)

So it's Christmas, already

I have several options here.

The first is to get sentimental and talk about why christmas is so great and how it's a holiday full of love and happiness and oh god, I feel sick from the feels. Unfortunately I don't care enough about christmas to even capitalize the C so this will not happen.

I could also drone on and on about the fact that there is evidence to suggest that Christ wasn't even born on the 25th of December but rather in late March and that the reason we celebrate christmas in December is to coincide with ancient roman pagan holiday of Saturnalia. But since you probably don't want a mental image of cavorting romans in your minds, I won't talk about this either.

Maybe I could rant about christmas movies and how terrible they are (except for Love, Actually. That is a beautiful, beautiful movie and New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day are cheap rip-offs. Shame on you Hollywood).

No, today is the day to talk about...Um... I don't actually know what to talk about. Hannukkah's over, I don't celebrate Christmas, I don't want to bore you with details of my end of year marks and the great big NOTHINGs I'm doing over winter break so...I think I'll just leave you with this:

Saturnalia was a week long celebration from December 17th to the 23rd, complete with gift-giving, legal gambling, table service for slaves (yippee!) and orgies. Because no ancient festival is complete without orgies. And just remember that venereal diseases ran rampant due to the complete lack of antibiotics. Doctors were less like Dr Cohen at the Jewish General and more like the Dentist in "Little Shop of Horrors" so you were most likely dead if you ever got sick. And with that cheery thought, I leave you.

Merry Christmas everyone. Don't forget to get yourself checked after new year's.

COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT

In response to the new facebook guidelines, I hereby declare that my copyright of the Dictatorship of the Democratic Republic of El-Baba is attached to all my personal details. Touch my shit and die, fuckers!

Anyone reading this CANNOT copy and paste it on their Facebook Wall (TM) because it will be in direct violation of the aforementioned copyright. By the present communique, I hereby notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, disseminate, discombobulate, defenestrate or take any action against me as I have immunity from such measures. The violation of my privacy is punishable by law 7b of the Geneva Convention, Treaty 4, and the Constitution of the Dictatorship of the Democratic Republic of El-Baba (as well as whatever laws Facebook manages to pull out of its ass).

Facebook is now the enemy. All members wishing to rise up with me should post a notice like this. All citizens of the DDREB are required by law to post a notice like this. Non-compliance with this order will result in your immediate dispatch. IF you do not post a notice like this, you will be allowing facebook to enter your mind and brainwash you as you sleep.

You have been warned...

Draft Dodgers and Mutated Daleks. And minions. And hats!

No, this is not a Doctor Who reference for once (in terms of me going on and on about the latest episode). In fact, it is due to a study session to which I was witness this morning. I have discovered that watching my friends in Arts and Sciences (one of the more grueling programs one will find in CEGEP) cram for an exam is much more entertaining than my Shakespearean english class where we talk about sex in Romeo and Juliet because, having re-read it after 4 years of deciding that I hated the play, it has been decided that the play is, indeed, about nothing but sex! And also that I still hate it. It is still a long, drawn out, hilarious tragedy that loses its flair about halfway through act three.

Also, I'm writing a history paper about draft dodgers during the Vietnam war who came to Canada. And no, it is not a judgemental piece where I condemn draft-age men for fleeing the draft because that would be silly. I don't really care one way or the other. What I do care about is how they were treated once they made it over the border (makes it sound like some huge ordeal where you have to leap tall buildings and crawl under barbed wire. Though according to The Manual for Draft Age Immigrants it kind of it). The paper will be dealing with how the social regimes of the time (Ontarian liberalism and Quebecois Nationalism) impacted the anti-draft movements in Quebec and Ontario, focusing specifically on Toronto and Montreal.

Isn't that interesting!

Anyways. I recently began knitting and crocheting again after a period of half finished projects. I mean, hell, I'm still surrounding by half started projects with a ton of awesome patterns that I need to finish but you know me. I have to do everything at once! So this is the result:

So. Many. Hats.


I don't understand how I suddenly ended up with so many hats. It's mildly ridiculous.

But yes, I started knitting again and because I have an artistically inclined friend who persuaded me to do a craft swap.

so I got a pair of her custom made Octopus earrings (which I can't find right now but I'm sure they'll turn up soon enough...I hope...I really liked them. They were purple. And adorable. And so damn wearable! She also disappeared off facebook. Her page, not her. Oh well) in exchange for this:

Minion Hat biches. Yes, that is Biches and not Bi***s. I'm teaching myself to swear less. Also Jack Douglass. Awesome.

Oh, and here is a link to her facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/AlexcgArtsCrafts?fref=ts . She's kind of awesome.

So yes, that was my first minion hat. It is knitted and it's a basic hat knit on two straight needles (I am slowly becoming a seaming boss) whilst taking inspiration from Despicable Me. In the finished version, there is a band of blue crocheted around the bottom (the hat was a little bit short...) and a black pom pom to look like the minions' scant hair.

Pretty simple pattern: cast on 70 stitches, 4-6 rows K2, P2 in BLUE YARN, then Stockinette stitch (knit one row, purl one row) until hat measure 5 inches from beginning in YELLOW YARN. For those of you with bigger heads out there (i.e ME) you can extend this to 7 inches. Worst comes to worst you just roll up the brim. better to have a bigger hat than one that's too small! But if it doesn't fit it will definitely make other people happy. After you've completed the required number of inches, begin your decrease rows on KNIT ROWS ONLY. I found out what happens when you decrease on a purl row. It's not pretty.

Typical decrease:

*K8, K2tog* to the end of the row
Purl one row
K7, K2tog, to the end of the row
Purl one row

Continue in this way for 6 more rows (knitting one fewer stitch each row) until you reach the K2tog* to the end of row row. There should be 6-14 stitches on your needle depending on how many stitches you cast on. Cut your yarn, thread it through the remaning stitches and pull tight. weave in your ends, mattress stitch your seam and voila! A beautiful minion hat.

I crocheted the eye using basic in-the-round method. Google it. Oh and don't forget to add a black stripe to your hat while knitting to make the goggle band.

This was my second minion hat. As you can see, it turned out much nicer than the first. Also, I actually knit the blue part XD

The next hat I found myself with was a pattern from Interweave Crochet. My sister got me a subscription last year and I kind of love her for it. Though I'm mad that they only publish four issues a year >:(

Here's the "beaver lake hat"

Sorry, I'm not posting the pattern because it's copyrighted and I don't want to get sued. Look it up. I'm sure someone else is more soulless than me

And finally, my personal favorite, my ridiculously comfy turquoise beanie! I was at Espace Tricot with my ridiculously tall friend Ivan (I have a friend named Ivan now. I think my life is complete) and we found this super thick super comfy super everything yarn (bright turquoise. it was gorgeous). Unfortunately it was so high up even he couldn't reach it :S A

So...yeah. Thus ended my mad hat rampage for the moment. I still have two more I need to make but I don't REALLY feel like starting. The first one is a simple black beanie for a friend of mine and the other is a striped hat though I'm not sure what colors he would like yet (Yes Ivan, I am talking about you). Also I'm pretty sure that I need to make another Jayne hat but I really don't feel like it. It's not like the hat took me long to make. I just...don't like knitting -_-

The future will hold a plethora of papers that need writing so I will probably disappear for even longer than before. But, till then:

May the stars guide your journey. 

Also, if Yoda says to Luke "May the force be with you" then the dot product of The Force and Luke is a positive number. 

#mathgeekery